Saturday, May 10, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Recipe Plan 05/19-06/01
Yeah, now this is really jumping the gun but I've got time on my hands and I'm procrastinating cleaning out my closet so I've decided to plan my menu for my husband and I, for our first 2 weeks in our new house in NC. Even though we're moving in on 05/15, I honestly have the feeling that we'll be getting take out for a few days while we're unpacking and getting settled in. So I'm post dating the menu planning a bit :) Anyway, here goes! (Oh and for the record, my DH enjoys cooking and wants to cook on weekends!)
Monday 05/19: Asian Chicken & Noodle Stir Fry
Tuesday 05/20: Oven Fried Chicken, Steakhouse Fries & Green Beans
Wednesday 05/21: Teriyaki Beef Skewers & Rice
Thursday 05/22: Aussie Sausage Rolls, Mashed Potatoes & Gravy
Friday 05/23: Eating Out Somewhere :)
Saturday 05/24: DH is cooking
Sunday 05/25: DH is cooking
Monday 05/26: Tapas- Patatas Bravas, Pa Amb Oli, Ajilo Mushrooms, Express Paella
Tuesday 05/27: Spaghetti & Meatballs with Garlic Bread
Wednesday 05/28: BBQ Beef Burgers with Salad & Fries
Thursday 05/29: Toasted Ravioli and Salad
Friday 05/30: Eating Out somewhere :)
Saturday 05/31: DH is cooking
Sunday 06/01: Dh is cooking
Anyway, I think that works for now :) Can you tell I have the propensity to pre-plan everything a little too much?
Monday 05/19: Asian Chicken & Noodle Stir Fry
Tuesday 05/20: Oven Fried Chicken, Steakhouse Fries & Green Beans
Wednesday 05/21: Teriyaki Beef Skewers & Rice
Thursday 05/22: Aussie Sausage Rolls, Mashed Potatoes & Gravy
Friday 05/23: Eating Out Somewhere :)
Saturday 05/24: DH is cooking
Sunday 05/25: DH is cooking
Monday 05/26: Tapas- Patatas Bravas, Pa Amb Oli, Ajilo Mushrooms, Express Paella
Tuesday 05/27: Spaghetti & Meatballs with Garlic Bread
Wednesday 05/28: BBQ Beef Burgers with Salad & Fries
Thursday 05/29: Toasted Ravioli and Salad
Friday 05/30: Eating Out somewhere :)
Saturday 05/31: DH is cooking
Sunday 06/01: Dh is cooking
Anyway, I think that works for now :) Can you tell I have the propensity to pre-plan everything a little too much?
Tears Dry On Their Own
Well, I feel much better than I did the other day. Blogging and getting all my frustrations and concerns out there, always seem to help matters. Then I had a new issue to contend with, although I've decided today that it's basically a non-issue and I'm just going to make the best of it.
One of DH's friends is probably going to be moving in with us for a few months, until he gets discharged from the Marine Corps. He is a nice guy, and even though it was an initial shock, I trust DH's judgement on the situation. Although my initial thoughts were pertaining to the fact that this guy isn't going to be paying board, and the financial factor, plus the extra housework it might present me. But I'm sure that everything will work itself out somehow.
A few months ago, not long before I got married, I came across Prairie Home Maker Forums and they seriously have been a God-Send. The ladies there are absolutely phenomenal, and always offer support and suggestions and ease any concerns I may have. Naturally I asked about the situation pertaining to DH's friend moving in, and the main consensus is that ground rules should be set with regards to his responsibilities and my responsibilities.
So I've decided to cross that bridge when I come to it. I mean, it hasn't happened yet. Within the next few weeks, M might decide that he doesn't want to move in after all, right?
Anyways, I need to pack up my closet today so I'd better get started. Have a good one all!
xAmber
One of DH's friends is probably going to be moving in with us for a few months, until he gets discharged from the Marine Corps. He is a nice guy, and even though it was an initial shock, I trust DH's judgement on the situation. Although my initial thoughts were pertaining to the fact that this guy isn't going to be paying board, and the financial factor, plus the extra housework it might present me. But I'm sure that everything will work itself out somehow.
A few months ago, not long before I got married, I came across Prairie Home Maker Forums and they seriously have been a God-Send. The ladies there are absolutely phenomenal, and always offer support and suggestions and ease any concerns I may have. Naturally I asked about the situation pertaining to DH's friend moving in, and the main consensus is that ground rules should be set with regards to his responsibilities and my responsibilities.
So I've decided to cross that bridge when I come to it. I mean, it hasn't happened yet. Within the next few weeks, M might decide that he doesn't want to move in after all, right?
Anyways, I need to pack up my closet today so I'd better get started. Have a good one all!
xAmber
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Useless Desires
All I've ever wanted is for my mother to be proud of me someday. But the criticism always ends up rearing it's ugly head again. After I got off the phone to her yesterday I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor, feeling sick, trying desperately to fight off tears. I can't cry. I won't cry. I rarely ever cry. But it was so hard not to.
I've tried to tell my mother how much she hurts me. But she won't hear of it. In fact, yesterday I said in plain English that how she treats me, how my Grandmother treats me, their attitude towards me and expectations of me, kill me inside. I know she just wants the best for me, she has always just wanted me to make her proud. But I never quite made it.
Now it's come to light that my Husband isn't good enough. He doesn't earn enough money. He isn't good looking enough. And why didn't I stay with Jeremy? Jeremy was good looking and older and earned more money. Mother, Jeremy was MARRIED. It was a situation I was best rid of.
And then I made the mistake of mentioning something from the bible. Which only got me yelled at, expletives thrown, and then put my mother on the topic of the fact that I should really be seeking 'enlightenment down a Buddhist path'. I thought Buddhists (like she claims to be) were meant to be understanding, accepting, and non critical of other religions. Christianity is just another thing she can't accept, won't accept, scoffs at, and another thing to criticize me for.
How can you believe that ****? It's all bull****! Of course, with my mother I have learned that I just have to hear her out. Let her talk. Let her say what she has to say. Any interjection or disagreement and I'll never hear the end of it.
From the other side of the world, she can still make me feel like a worthless, useless child again. No matter how strong I try to be, it still hurts. In her world, there's no such thing as love, no such thing as happiness, just cruel reality. That's what I was brought up beleiving. Through her eyes, how could I be happy in mediocre jobs, married to somebody who barely earns above a reasonable living wage, living in a small 2 bedroom townhouse in a nondescript city in a 'nothing state' as she calls North Carolina, how could I possibly be happy?
And again, I meet the fact that she'll be visiting in July with great trepidation. The last time I saw my mother, in October last year in Europe, within 24 hours my depression hit me in ugly, horrible ways as my thoughts drifted to ending my existance. I was too fat, what was wrong with my hair, what was wrong with my skin, that top is too baggy those jeans are too loose, your apartment is too small, your car is a bomb.
Nothing I do is ever right, not in the long run. I know that I'll make myself sick with worry when she comes to visit.
Thing is, sometimes things between my Mum are just fine- especially when we go for long periods of time without talking to eachother. But if we talk too often, any more than once a week, it turns into a judgemental mess.
I just want her love and respect. It's all I've ever wanted. As I got older though it got even more difficult, maybe that's why I became as trouble making and attention seeking as I did. But I can't blame my faults on anybody but myself. I take responsibility for my own actions, and any mistakes I may have made in this life.
*sigh* Off that topic now.
On the bright side, I got the opportunity to speak with 2 good friends who I've known for many, many years, who are currently both in Iraq right now.
friend: your just Amber... your no more screwed up then the rest of the world :)
For some reason, that made me laugh and definitely made me smile. When I commented on the fact that I was just rambling, and screwed up.
Honestly though, I'm glad Jeff & Paul were both amazingly online today. I hadn't spoken to either of them for so long. And they both had the ability to cheer me up and make me feel like a worthwhile human being again. Additionally, knowing that they were both okay after so long without hearing from either was comforting as well.
Anyways I might call my husband and see what he's up to. I didn't get to talk to him last night other than via text message because he was out playing pool or something.
Hope you're all having good weekends!
xA
I've tried to tell my mother how much she hurts me. But she won't hear of it. In fact, yesterday I said in plain English that how she treats me, how my Grandmother treats me, their attitude towards me and expectations of me, kill me inside. I know she just wants the best for me, she has always just wanted me to make her proud. But I never quite made it.
Now it's come to light that my Husband isn't good enough. He doesn't earn enough money. He isn't good looking enough. And why didn't I stay with Jeremy? Jeremy was good looking and older and earned more money. Mother, Jeremy was MARRIED. It was a situation I was best rid of.
And then I made the mistake of mentioning something from the bible. Which only got me yelled at, expletives thrown, and then put my mother on the topic of the fact that I should really be seeking 'enlightenment down a Buddhist path'. I thought Buddhists (like she claims to be) were meant to be understanding, accepting, and non critical of other religions. Christianity is just another thing she can't accept, won't accept, scoffs at, and another thing to criticize me for.
How can you believe that ****? It's all bull****! Of course, with my mother I have learned that I just have to hear her out. Let her talk. Let her say what she has to say. Any interjection or disagreement and I'll never hear the end of it.
From the other side of the world, she can still make me feel like a worthless, useless child again. No matter how strong I try to be, it still hurts. In her world, there's no such thing as love, no such thing as happiness, just cruel reality. That's what I was brought up beleiving. Through her eyes, how could I be happy in mediocre jobs, married to somebody who barely earns above a reasonable living wage, living in a small 2 bedroom townhouse in a nondescript city in a 'nothing state' as she calls North Carolina, how could I possibly be happy?
And again, I meet the fact that she'll be visiting in July with great trepidation. The last time I saw my mother, in October last year in Europe, within 24 hours my depression hit me in ugly, horrible ways as my thoughts drifted to ending my existance. I was too fat, what was wrong with my hair, what was wrong with my skin, that top is too baggy those jeans are too loose, your apartment is too small, your car is a bomb.
Nothing I do is ever right, not in the long run. I know that I'll make myself sick with worry when she comes to visit.
Thing is, sometimes things between my Mum are just fine- especially when we go for long periods of time without talking to eachother. But if we talk too often, any more than once a week, it turns into a judgemental mess.
I just want her love and respect. It's all I've ever wanted. As I got older though it got even more difficult, maybe that's why I became as trouble making and attention seeking as I did. But I can't blame my faults on anybody but myself. I take responsibility for my own actions, and any mistakes I may have made in this life.
*sigh* Off that topic now.
On the bright side, I got the opportunity to speak with 2 good friends who I've known for many, many years, who are currently both in Iraq right now.
friend: your just Amber... your no more screwed up then the rest of the world :)
For some reason, that made me laugh and definitely made me smile. When I commented on the fact that I was just rambling, and screwed up.
Honestly though, I'm glad Jeff & Paul were both amazingly online today. I hadn't spoken to either of them for so long. And they both had the ability to cheer me up and make me feel like a worthwhile human being again. Additionally, knowing that they were both okay after so long without hearing from either was comforting as well.
Anyways I might call my husband and see what he's up to. I didn't get to talk to him last night other than via text message because he was out playing pool or something.
Hope you're all having good weekends!
xA
Friday, May 2, 2008
Killing Time
DH & I were at a restaurant in Indianapolis a couple of days after we got married. There was a group of young girls at a table nearby. They were gossipping and giggling quite loudly so it was hard not to notice them. "Check that out! They can't be anymore than 15!" DH said to me. "Girls didn't dress like that when I was 15!" DH continued. I agreed, Girls didn't dress like that when I was 15 either. And I thought my teenage years were on the crazy side!
It must be noted, that DH is 21. Obviously as you all know, I'm 24. So, 15 really wasn't that long ago for either of us. Especially not DH.
An article in the Washington Post recently about the fact that the sexualization of girls is getting younger, and younger (think the Miley Cyrus scandal- the MySpace photos and the Vanity Fair photos) got me thinking about this table of scantily clad 15 year olds in tight mini skirts, barely-there tops, and high heels, too much makeup and too much peroxide.
Even at my craziest, you could never say that I dressed provocatively. In High School I went through phases, most predominantly I went through the whole tortured artist thing, and decided I was a mix of goth, punk and rockabilly. In retrospect, the look was more tragic and trashy than glamorously artistic, but it was never provocative. I always covered up.
What is up with these little girls nowadays though? Why do their parents let them leave the house looking like that? Why do their parents allow them to buy clothes like that? Yes, I know teenagers are difficult and rebellious. I was difficult and rebellious too. But what next? When did this become socially acceptable?
Of course I'm sure this problem isn't new. In fact, I know it isn't. If you remember the original Degrassi Junior High/Degrassi High series from the 1980s (not the new stupid spinoff on Nickelodeon), you may remember a character in the 1st season called 'Stephanie Kaye'. She changed her clothing and did her makeup at school, without her mother's knowledge. Of course this just meant that she eventually got a bad reputation, got into bad situations, and her mother sent her to a strict girls school instead (the reason cited for her departure before the 2nd season).
I know however, that it isn't necessarily the case. When I was working at the Front Desk of a hotel in downtown St. Louis, I saw more than my fair share of ridiculously scantily clad teenage females pass through. The hotel hosted regional finals for some Miss Teen something-or-other pageant, and even the clothes that a lot of the pageant girls wore when they weren't in competition I thought was less than appropriate social attire. In addition to that, high school proms were hosted, and various inter-state school functions, dance competitions, cheerleading competitions, so on and so on.
Working at the hotel, I met some truly wonderful, pleasant guests... and some truly awful ones (my only consolation after getting frequently yelled at for hours on end by disatisfied guests, was the fact that they probably have a horrible life and I just unfortunately have to bear the release of their frustrations upon the world). All in all though, I couldn't hack it. After 18 months I was happy to leave the hospitality industry for good. In such a short period of time, it seemed that people in the general public had degenerated even further.
It was getting more difficult to put on a smile and keep my mouth shut and remain pleasant, even after a guest had spat in my face (oh yes that happened a few times!), or gentlemen guests made sexual advances (that happened a lot of times), or when drunken naked teenagers vomit on you in the hallways (the joys of working night shift!).
And this is a 4 1/2 star hotel we're talking about here.
Where's our society headed? Is it going to hit rock bottom and improve? Or have we hit rock bottom already?
Stimulus Payment!
Well, I was all disgruntled because I was certain that I would not be getting the stimulus payment due to some clause about permanent residency (which although in the process of filing for, I don't have yet, still on the visa!). But, alas, it hit my account today!
Unfortunately DH's isn't going to hit until the 16th because of the last 2 digits of his social security number. The $600 I received has cheered me up though! It definitely helps a lot. Especially with my rent due on my current apartment, then our first months rent due on May 15 at DH & I's new house!
I'm thanking God in my prayers for that today, that's for sure :)
Unfortunately DH's isn't going to hit until the 16th because of the last 2 digits of his social security number. The $600 I received has cheered me up though! It definitely helps a lot. Especially with my rent due on my current apartment, then our first months rent due on May 15 at DH & I's new house!
I'm thanking God in my prayers for that today, that's for sure :)
For What It's Worth
I seriously do complain too much. I was flipping through my Road Trip USA book today- a book that has served as my favorite travel companion for the past 5 years. And it occured to me, that I've really got so much to be thankful for in my life.
Going through the pages thinking, been there, been there, oh I remember that, oh yes been there too. It dawned on me that I truly am so lucky. Yes, I worked hard to get everything in my life, but I've been truly blessed with opportunities as well.
To come from a single-parent home, with a mother who although she tried, could never make ends meet when I was growing up, and had no help from anyone else either, to eventually being in a situation where I travel the world at every given opportunity, is quite a change. And one that I don't seem to give thanks for, or appreciate often enough.
I've always been hard headed, I always used to believe that everything I'd ever got in my life, I worked for. I was the one working from the age of 14 onwards. I was the one working 17-18 hour days without weekends. I was the one putting money away to travel. But, it wasn't just me, was it. God was on my side all along. He gave me the strength and the drive to work hard. And He put the opportunities in front of me, all I had to do was reach for them and strive for them.
So, my resolution for today and this weekend is to attempt to not complain as much as I have been. And to appreciate, and be thankful for the truly wonderful life I've been able to lead these past few years.
And every morning when I wake up to a Good Morning Beautiful text message from my husband, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
Life isn't so bad afterall.
Going through the pages thinking, been there, been there, oh I remember that, oh yes been there too. It dawned on me that I truly am so lucky. Yes, I worked hard to get everything in my life, but I've been truly blessed with opportunities as well.
To come from a single-parent home, with a mother who although she tried, could never make ends meet when I was growing up, and had no help from anyone else either, to eventually being in a situation where I travel the world at every given opportunity, is quite a change. And one that I don't seem to give thanks for, or appreciate often enough.
I've always been hard headed, I always used to believe that everything I'd ever got in my life, I worked for. I was the one working from the age of 14 onwards. I was the one working 17-18 hour days without weekends. I was the one putting money away to travel. But, it wasn't just me, was it. God was on my side all along. He gave me the strength and the drive to work hard. And He put the opportunities in front of me, all I had to do was reach for them and strive for them.
So, my resolution for today and this weekend is to attempt to not complain as much as I have been. And to appreciate, and be thankful for the truly wonderful life I've been able to lead these past few years.
And every morning when I wake up to a Good Morning Beautiful text message from my husband, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
Life isn't so bad afterall.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Polyester Girl
My best guy-friend Ben, who I've known since I was 12 years old and is as close to a brother as I've ever known, went to a school in our hometown called ACGS (Anglican Church Grammar School, colloquially known as 'Churchie'). In 1998 I attended the 'Senior Formal' (aka Prom) with a friend of mine, and again in 2000.
In 2001-2002 I was in a relationship with another alumni from ACGS. So, Overall, I think that I'm more than qualified to share my knowledge of the school.
Honestly though, what the world is coming to has shocked me. Now, I think I'm a pretty tolerant person overall, but there are certain things in this world that I do not approve of. For instance, I think peoples sexual preferences should be left behind closed doors.
This article from my hometown's newspaper however shocked me. 8 Anglican Church Grammar School boys, wanted to take their homosexual partners to the Senior Formal! For goodness sake, back in 1998-2000, you were outcast if you didn't wear a black suit, I know for a fact, that 10 years ago, nobody would have even contemplated taking their gay partner to the formal. Let alone 8 of them!
Call me a traditionalist perhaps, maybe I'm not as open minded as I thought. Of course, their requests got over turned, but it's just proof that the world is changing in dramatic ways.
It's funny though, isn't it, I'm 24 and I'm already feeling old.
In 2001-2002 I was in a relationship with another alumni from ACGS. So, Overall, I think that I'm more than qualified to share my knowledge of the school.
Honestly though, what the world is coming to has shocked me. Now, I think I'm a pretty tolerant person overall, but there are certain things in this world that I do not approve of. For instance, I think peoples sexual preferences should be left behind closed doors.
This article from my hometown's newspaper however shocked me. 8 Anglican Church Grammar School boys, wanted to take their homosexual partners to the Senior Formal! For goodness sake, back in 1998-2000, you were outcast if you didn't wear a black suit, I know for a fact, that 10 years ago, nobody would have even contemplated taking their gay partner to the formal. Let alone 8 of them!
Call me a traditionalist perhaps, maybe I'm not as open minded as I thought. Of course, their requests got over turned, but it's just proof that the world is changing in dramatic ways.
It's funny though, isn't it, I'm 24 and I'm already feeling old.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Mediterranean Memories
It wasn't too long ago that I was last in Europe. It's starting to seem like an eternity ago, though! DH, so far, has never left the United States, and although his first trip outside the US will be to Iraq, we've already started semi-planning a 6 month Europe stint which in the near future I'll have to start budgeting for, for when he gets out of the Marine Corps in 2011. I know it sounds like forever away... but we're looking forward to it irregardless!
Anyhow, I was flipping through my lovely travel snaps of Europe and it's occured to me that I really need to start learning how to expand my European cooking skills! I'm a master at most Pan-Asian dishes, fabulous at the basic British/Australian fare, and getting better at good old American down-home cooking and baking as well. But aside from westernized Spaghetti and Pizza, European delicacies I admittedly haven't attempted. So, that in mind, I'm going to begin collecting recipes of wonderful dishes I remember tasting on my travels.
And first of all, I'm traveling (virtually!) to Spain for some Tapas!
-Ajillo Mushrooms
-Pinchitos Morunos
-Pa amb Oli
-Patatas Bravas
-Tocinillo de Cielo
Take a while to peruse the rest of the Spain Recipes website as well- it's got a lot of wonderful dishes! In all honesty I've never liked Paella, and even though I ate it in Spain (who could avoid it?) I haven't liked it otherwise. So, after DH & I get settled in to our new house, I'm going to have to have a Tapas Night I've decided.
Gosh, 05/10 needs to hurry up and get here already! I miss DH like crazy :(
xA
Anyhow, I was flipping through my lovely travel snaps of Europe and it's occured to me that I really need to start learning how to expand my European cooking skills! I'm a master at most Pan-Asian dishes, fabulous at the basic British/Australian fare, and getting better at good old American down-home cooking and baking as well. But aside from westernized Spaghetti and Pizza, European delicacies I admittedly haven't attempted. So, that in mind, I'm going to begin collecting recipes of wonderful dishes I remember tasting on my travels.
And first of all, I'm traveling (virtually!) to Spain for some Tapas!
-Ajillo Mushrooms
-Pinchitos Morunos
-Pa amb Oli
-Patatas Bravas
-Tocinillo de Cielo
Take a while to peruse the rest of the Spain Recipes website as well- it's got a lot of wonderful dishes! In all honesty I've never liked Paella, and even though I ate it in Spain (who could avoid it?) I haven't liked it otherwise. So, after DH & I get settled in to our new house, I'm going to have to have a Tapas Night I've decided.
Gosh, 05/10 needs to hurry up and get here already! I miss DH like crazy :(
xA
How Do You Live Your Life?
How You Life Your Life |
 You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good. You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
The above is mostly correct- except about the friends bit. I have a few close friends who I have been friends with for years and years, although I guess I have had 'transient' friends over the years too. *shrugs* For the most part though, it's pretty spot on!
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